I hope that someday my practice will help me avoid speaking in anger more often. Until then, I take refuge in Thay’s teaching of Beginning Anew, the practice for repairing damage to a relationship. I needed to do that recently. While I still regret being unskillful to begin with, I am glad that the practice gave me the courage and confidence to make amends in an authentic, compassionate way. It took me over a week of daily contemplation, but I was finally able to write letters of sincere apology and deeper explanation for my frustration. I did not follow the precise script that Thay gives us for using within the Sangha, but the spirit of sharing, “Darling, I am suffering” was there. I was relieved when my letters were received with generosity. More than anything, it is profoundly reassuring to recover from mistakes like that, since we all will make them no matter how diligent we try to be. What fresh start would you like to make in a relationship? What do you need to Begin Anew?

This Dharma Thought is offered by Steve Allison-Bunnell with the Joining Rivers Sangha in the Plum Village Tradition.

This Dharma Thought about our Stories of Stuff is brought to you by Steve Allison-Bunnell with the Joining Rivers Sangha.

Two elder family members are both confronting their relationship to possessions. One is leaving the home they’ve lived in for 55 years, filled with family treasures and “this might be useful someday,” but has been disappointed that many heirlooms have little monetary value. The other already left a life-long home, but brought everything with them and now struggles with an overflowing apartment. One is being ruthlessly pragmatic, trying to look ahead to a new life. The other is very attached to the memories that even a VHS movie represents. It’s been hard for both of them.

In the Five Remembrances, the Buddha teaches, “All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.” This sounds pretty ruthless, too. But as one of the inconvenient truths of being human, the Buddha invites us to look at this reality directly instead of shying away from it. And, the Buddha does also offer an alternative to clinging to this loss: “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.” Would you rather voluntarily give up your precious belongings? How do you go about standing on the ground of your actions?